confession of a frustrated journalist
10:02:00 PM
Journalism… in my school… uhmmm… (word salad and flight of ideas followed) 3 minutes is over, I delivered a lousy speech in front of a humungous number of people. I knew I can never gain any award from that competition
A day after, announcement of winners for the “Feature Writing”:
… 10th place --- I didn’t mind I knew I will not be called, not yet
… 7th place --- still apathetic
… 5th place --- my heart started to beat faster
… 3rd place --- I was agitated
… 2nd place – I was excited believing that my name will surely be called
… 1st place --- it was not my name who was called but my friend’s.
December 2002, Regional Schools Press Conference, the fateful day that I decided to terminate my passion in writing and in public speaking – I forcefully forget my dream to become a journalist. I went home brought no award but a broken heart and a shattered dream.
I knew I can write, I knew I can speak (all of us can ;)) but my insecurities consumed me. Every time I try to relive my passion a part of me is telling me, “I am not GOOD enough”. So there I was, chose to pursue my second love, SCIENCE – and so I took up Nursing.
I’m telling you never did I regret that I chose this profession but my four years in college made me realize that I can never run away from my first love. You see, I love speech more than psychology, I love literature more than Health Care, I love to write the History of present illness and nursing diagnosis more than pathophysiology (nose bleed d maka relate).
A number of write ups amassed in my journal, thoughts kept within me. I stopped trying to enhance it, stopped trying to express myself publicly.
I stopped….
Though I gave it up, opportunities keep on haunting me. Subconsciously I am channeling my passion in my service and in school. No longer joining a competition this time (fear of judges.. lol!) but I realized that more than a passion it became my asset.
It has been 8 years since I gave up my passion but God led me to a certain point where I can speak His words and express myself with the grace that He gave me.
I may not gain any award from writing for Him, nor I can gain reward from publicly speaking for Him but the fulfillment that He is giving me with this opportunity is indescribable. Speaking in front of 11,000 people and a write up that can be passed on – is a privilege no trophy nor medal can equate.
I’ve got limited vocabulary, I’m not good in subject – verb agreement but I believe that my God blessed me with this capacity and passion that will serve as my tool in sharing the greatness of God in my journey; a moment with Him that should not stop within me.
I just realized that my God is realizing my dream. I am a journalist, where God is my editor, my publisher and my inspiration.
Why I am sharing this to you? Because:
First, I realized that we should not stop believing in ourselves. We all have the capacity to reach the things that we want to achieve; all we need to do is to believe.
Second, neither man nor circumstances can bring you down unless you will allow them. Failures may come, we might lose a number of times but it doesn’t mean that the battle is over. A mighty soldier is wounded in battle. So get up when you are wounded!
Third, every encounter with Him is worth sharing, it must not end in us. Your story may change the life of the person who is sitting beside you. Be selfless! Share it!
Be blessed and be a blessing!
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